DEARBORN — The stigma of divorce in many conservative communities often prevents women from leaving abusive and troubled relationships. 

In the Chaldean and Arab communities, divorce is often frowned upon and some women feel their reputations could be tainted as a result of getting one. 

One Iraqi Christian woman has been in a troubled marriage for more than 30 years and shared her story in hopes of helping other women. 

The woman, who did not want to be identified, is being referred to as “Jenna.” She is still married to her husband and said getting a divorce now is pointless. However, she wishes she hadn’t listened to her family decades ago and gotten one. 

Jenna said that from the beginning of her marriage her husband cheated on her a few times and was physically abusive. She always thought he would change, but never did. 

“When I went to my family and told them I wanted a divorce because I was cheated on and was a victim of domestic violence they said ‘no we don’t have daughters who get divorced,’” Jenna said. 

When asked by The Arab American News what her advice would be to women in the same position she was, Jenna said, “I would tell them not to listen to their families or care about the pressure of the community and what everyone will think of them.” 

While the stigma of divorce still exists today in both Chaldean and Arab communities, it is not as common as it was decades ago. Over time, people have become more accustomed to American culture and don’t have the same mentality about marriage that exists in their native countries. Those who worry about the stigma of divorce and stay in troubled marriages are a very small minority. 

Imam Ali. S. Ali, the director of Muslim Family Services in Detroit, said today the women typically concerned about leaving a troubled marriage because of the stigma associated with divorce are usually immigrants. 

“You shouldn’t worry about this taboo issue. This is America,” Ali said. “This is in their country, and in the past, and right now in America things are not like this.” 

Ali said that while the stigma of divorce in some communities might be a factor as to why women are afraid to leave abusive relationships, financial problems also play a role. He said some women are afraid they won’t be able to support their children. Others may not have the educational background to care for them alone. 

Ali said he has witnessed both women and men being afraid to get divorced for the sole reason that their younger siblings who are single will never get married, because the family will look bad if one of their children is divorced. “Many women in the community are afraid to get a divorce because they are afraid no one will marry them, and the community here will blame them for the divorce,” he said. “Divorce is a big shame for her and her family. Here you have a better chance to get married then you would in your old country.” 

Both Jenna and Ali said it is not religion, but the culture of their communities that creates such stigma around divorce. 

Jenna said she was also afraid to divorce because it may have been difficult for her three daughters to get married, since it is looked down upon in the Chaldean community. 

 “I thought about my daughters,” she said. “It would make the family look bad, but you know what? No women should be abused or cheated on. Don’t worry about what other people think. You’ll actually be doing your children a favor by walking out.”