Suzanne Lakkis.

DEARBORN HEIGHTS — She stood on the courthouse steps, nervous and scared. She was dressed in fashionable clothing, just like she used to wear. She was holding on to a pink rose. It gave her strength and hope.

Suzanne Lakkis, 51, was about to enter the courtroom to testify against her ex-boyfriend who was being charged with domestic violence for the second time. She had enough and couldn’t take the abuse anymore.

Lakkis’ daring feat to stand up against her abuser is actually uncommon, as 70 percent of domestic violence cases go unreported, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Her strength to stand up for herself and against the violence comes from her weakness. Lakkis is also battling stage-4 breast cancer. Her diagnosis is severe; the cancer has spread throughout her body, leaving her with two tumors in her colon.

“I can deal with the cancer, but domestic violence hurts the heart,” she explained as she waited for her case to be heard in court.

Of the dozens of cases to be heard in that particular courtroom that Wednesday morning, four of them were domestic violence cases. Her case, however, was the only one involving a repeated offender.

Lakkis was once married to a wealthy man. The couple lived in a large house in Dearborn Heights.

“I had the world,” she said.

She then discovered that her husband was involved in a relationship with another woman, with whom he eventually had a child. Lakkis had a “nervous breakdown” and was admitted to the Henry Ford Wyandotte Hospital for treatment.

“I couldn’t talk for nine days. I was spaced out,” she said, adding that the marriage ended in divorce.

But that was 11 years ago; and now she is fighting for her life and her dignity against a man she became involved with after her divorce.

In the courtroom, Lakkis’ former boyfriend plead guilty with no contest, allowing him to avoid a trial and preventing the plea from being used against him in any later civil or criminal proceeding. It also gives him the opportunity to appeal the court’s rulings.

Last year, he was booked in the Wayne County jail for assaulting an officer while he was being arrested for assaulting Lakkis. Since then, he has been on probation after attending counseling sessions.

Lakkis said she was not aware that her former boyfriend was abusive when she met him.

“At first the relationship started off really good,” she said. “He lived a block away. It was amazing.”

She added that he took care of her, until he discovered she had been diagnosed with cancer.

Lakkis explained that at first he was there for her, stood by her side during her surgeries and communicated with her doctors— until he started having a relationship with their new roommate. Then he started beating her.

“I couldn’t take it,” she said. “I didn’t know what to do.”

She added that when her boyfriend was released from jail for his first domestic violence offense and received counseling, she thought he was going to change. She said she had always wanted the best for him.

Lakkis said that even though her abuser was jailed recently for not attending his counseling sessions— after police pulled him over for a traffic violation— she is not out to seek revenge, but to protect herself. 

Lakkis, who has fought hard against turbulent relationships and her health challenges, encourages women and men to seek shelter and call the police if anyone starts to show signs of violence. She also recommends that people get routine checkups, so that any cancerous matter can be detected and treated early. She added that having a support group can make a dramatic difference in how you approach recovery from both domestic violence and cancer.

Lakkis said she continues to carry that pink rose around with her wherever she goes. She remains hopeful as she endures cancer treatment and welcomes triumph from a long history of abusive relationships.

How you know it’s happening and why

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that a woman is abused every nine seconds in the U.S. Every year, more than 10 million men and women are physically abused by an intimate partner.

Benita Hutchinson, a clinical social worker and therapist who practices out of Dearborn and deals with many domestic violence cases, said many domestic violence victims do not speak out against their abusers because there is a stigma attached to being a victim and they are afraid of facing persecution from their friends, families or the abuser if they become vocal.

She added that many victims stay in a violent relationship because they become helpless.

“They learn throughout the violence that no one is coming to their rescue and have built into their psyche that it’s pointless to speak out,” Hutchinson said.

The therapist explained that abuse typically follows a cycle. First, there’s a building stage, during which an abuser becomes angry and hostile. During this phase, the victimizers engage in mental, emotional and verbal abuse. They could also try to be controlling of their victims’ social lives and threaten to take away their financial resources. The abuse then escalates to physical or sexual violence.

Then there’s the romantic phase, during which the abuser apologizes for his actions and tries to show remorse. Hutchinson said many victims might believe their significant other will change. After a period of peace, however, the cycles begin again.

Munira Kassim, program supervisor for the Victims of Crime Act Program at ACCESS, said when a victim comes to them for help, they are usually their last hope for help.

“If you feel that your basic rights are at stake, that’s usually the first sign,” Kassim said.

She explained that some abusers become so helpless that they don’t feel they can live alone, echoing Hutchinson’s explanation as to why domestic violence victims stay with their abusers.

She also cautioned that any form of abuse is as severe as the next and that verbal abuse can be just as bad as violence.

“Sometimes the emotional abuse can be more severe than the physical,” she added.

According to Kassim, some signs that a person is becoming abusive includes being overly jealous, not allowing the other person to speak to friends and restricting financial resources.

Kassim recommends that victims seek help immediately and recognize that there is no shame is doing so. She added that if you allow your significant other to abuse you in any way, they will think it is ok and continue with the abuse.

To the abuser, Kassim said that “one time is already too much.”

She added that it might be difficult to seek help in the beginning, but it does get easier. 

Where to get help

The following agencies are only a few of the many places victims of domestic violence in southeast Michigan can turn to for help:

ACCESS Safety Oasis for Victims of Crime Program

6450 Maple Street, Dearborn, MI 48126

(313) 216-2202 

Arab American and Chaldean Council

(248) 559-1990

HAVEN

Crisis support line: (248) 334-1274

HAVEN offers shelter to victims of domestic violence and other support.

Common Ground Crisis Resource Center

(800) 231-1127