Three local males fight over the check at Mango’s Cafe in Dearborn – The Arab American News

DEARBORN — The waitress brings the check to a table full of Arabs at the La Pita restaurant and chaos erupts.

“Someone will automatically snatch the bill out of my hand or they’ll snatch it out of each others hands,” said Jessica Looney.

Looney has become all too familiar with the antics that ensue when it’s time for a party to pay the bill.

Having worked at La Pita for more than eight years, she said she’s frequently been placed in awkward situations when a customer insists on paying the tab for a table full of people.

“Sometimes I’ll have people come beforehand and they’ll give me their credit card,” she said. “So I’ll take the credit card and run it and I’ll give them the bill; and then someone else will come after me and say, ‘no, no, no, you have to pay with my card.'”

What Looney described seems to be a common practice among Arabs here. A festive gathering at a local restaurant always seems to end in a struggle over who’s got the bill covered.

These generous tendencies have most likely been brought here from the Middle East. But in the Western world, such practices are not usually common. In fact, they can even be perceived as bizarre.

While the table full of Arabs is likely to wrestle over who’s got the bill covered, such behaviors are not likely to occur at a table full of White people. In those cases, the bill is often split to what is exactly owed by each participant.

But it seems not all Arab Americans embody such practices; nor do they always appreciate such gestures.

Sabreen Al-No’mani, an Iraqi American from Los Angeles who frequently visits friends and family in metro Detroit, said she feels uncomfortable when Arabs insist on paying her tab.

“I honestly feel anxiety and stress,” Al-No’mani said. “Arabs don’t tend to pay for the bill…they fight to pay for the bill. Although it’s such a kind act, I always feel bad for them. It stresses me out because it’s such a big gesture. I feel that it’s such a burden to put on a friend. It’s so much easier if we all just pay for our share.”

Al-No’mani said it also puts her in an awkward place because many times she’s not able to reciprocate the kindness due to her current financial situation.

She said often times she’s even hesitant to participate in other social activities because she knows some of her male Arab friends will insist on paying for everything.

Al-No’mani, who grew up in a predominantly White neighborhood, said that when she dines with her friends in L.A., the bill is split exactly down to the penny.

“When I go out with my friends in California, we definitely split it five ways if we are five people or we do separate checks,” Al-No’mani said. “But here, every time I go out with my Arab friends, I don’t even want to go to the bathroom because I feel like someone is going to pay the bill when I’m gone. I’m living in fear of their wallets.”

Amer Zahr, a local Palestinian comedian, said the Arab mentality of generosity stems from a sense of strong community.

“I would say it comes mostly from the idea that my house is your house, even when you are outside the house,” Zahr said. “The idea to fight over the bill, I actually see it as one of the most beautiful expressions of our culture. It creates stronger friendships. When somebody pays, the other person will say ‘well, I’ll get it next time.’ You look forward to seeing your friends again.”

Zahr said the reason such practices aren’t common in mainstream American culture is because the perception of money differs among ethnic groups.

“Mainstream American culture values money and possession in a personal way and we value these thing in a more communal way,” Zahr said. “I’ve seen White couples who have been dating for over two years split the tab. It’s not something necessarily better or worse. It’s just something very different from our culture.”

Zahr points out that the practice isn’t just restricted to Arabs or even men within the culture. Women tend to butt heads over the check as well.

Other ethnic groups living in America can also be just as generous among each other. Zahr said a sense of community always seems to be prevalent when an individual from an ethnic group achieves a major milestone that receives national attention. The entire community celebrates it as their own accomplishment.

 “That’s why when an Arab or Muslim actor or athlete wins something, all of us feel excited because we feel like we all won,” Zahr said. “It might only exist in minority cultures and that’s something we all have in common.”

Zahr said the generosity in the Arab culture can have its cons, especially if such gestures are not being reciprocated.

“It’s happened to me before, where we go out with our White friends and the bill comes and you expect there would be a little fight when I say ‘I got it,'” he said. “But then they say ‘okay’ and there’s no fighting whatsoever.

“It can be a very expensive proposition,” Zahr quipped.