Rock bands are usually no strangers to sorrow, but most of the time, their wounds are self-inflicted.

 Many documentaries and movies have been made chronicling the hard times rockers and their bands have gone through, whether due to drug and alcohol abuse or other problems.

But the short film that Tony Hajjar made is a little different. Hajjar, the drummer for the popular modern rock band Sparta, has had hardships of his own, but they’re unlike what most other rock musicians experience. And that’s precisely why he felt so compelled to make a movie about them.

The movie, called “Eme Nakia,” with Eme meaning “mother” in Arabic and Nakia the name of Hajjar’s mom, was packaged along with Sparta’s most recent CD “Threes,” and was shipped along with the album in October 2006. 

The 16-minute film tells the story of Hajjar’s family traveling from war-torn Lebanon to peaceful El Paso, Texas and dealing with their own family falling apart as well as  Hajjar’s mom slowly passing away. It can be seen at www.myspace.com/eme_nakia.

Hajjar was nervous about doing the film at first, but once he finished it and it came out, fans started coming up to him at shows and telling him how they related to it in their own ways and how they appreciated him for telling such a personal story.

“I was scared and apprehensive to release a film about my life because I’m not really a complainer and I’m grateful for what I do have,” he said. “In the end it worked out good because a lot of people relate to certain things. Whether they’re from the Middle Eastern culture and they relate to the war side or the family problems, people enjoyed it because they could relate to it.”

The intensity and realism in the film is a reflection of Hajjar’s personal experiences with its events. Hajjar lived in Lebanon until the age of five until his family fled to El Paso to escape the war-torn country.

Hajjar’s brother and sister had the most vivid memories of the fighting such as hiding from tanks and being afraid to leave the house, while most of Tony Hajjar’s memories have materialized in a different way.

“At that point I was very young; most of my memories are sounds,” he said. “Some of my biggest fears are still loud noises. I don’t like the Fourth of July; it’s still stuff that really affects me. I didn’t really realize why I wasn’t into fireworks like every other kid and then it hit me, that’s probably why.”

Hajjar was lucky that he and his family were able to escape the situation, but just as his family was getting settled in their new home in Texas, things took a turn for the worse.

His mother Nakia, who had cancer most of her life, died in May of 1988 as her brain tumors became too much for her to bear. She had always said she would continue to fight it until Tony, her youngest child, was old enough to take care of himself. She did just that and continued to undergo treatment, but it wasn’t enough to save her life.

Hajjar talked about how the film tied together both his mother’s death and the hardships of having to move from Lebanon to the United States.

“The big tie-in is we left not to lose our lives but when we did leave, we ended up losing a life. That’s really the big tie-in. With some of the animation in the movie, I relate putting a missile in an ambulance to my mom being put in an ambulance. It’s all destructive from cancer to war, it’s all the same.”

With his father not in the picture, Tony’s brother Jay stepped up and took care of the family. He dropped out of college at age 20 and took two jobs to pay the medical bills and to take care of Tony, who was 11 years old, and his sister Laura, who was 16.

But all of that hardship would serve Tony well in the long run. He took all of the anger, frustration, and sadness he felt and focused it on his music, using his feelings to forge a successful career. Now, Hajjar is known as one of the most aggressive drummers in the music business.

“Everybody has their demons, you know, some nights when you’re dealing with them instead of doing bad things like alcohol and drugs, I deal with them by playing drums for an hour and a half or so.”

Hajjar has gone through a lot of equipment playing with the kind of emotion and intensity he’s known for, but unlike your average garage band drummer, he is afforded that luxury.

“I thank God for my endorsements, you know, because I break a lot of hoops and tons of cymbals and drum heads, but that’s just the way you play,” he said.

 I try not to play like that the whole time but if you’re not up there (on stage) playing with every piece of yourself, you shouldn’t be up there.”

Hajjar has even suffered some injuries because of his playing.

“I’m very emotionally involved in my music. My wrists both have bad tendonitis and my shoulders are weak because of the way I play drums. I could play softer but it’s part of what I am.”

Of course, his stage persona is just one part of who he is. But thanks to “Eme Nakia,” fans were able to see a whole other side of him that isn’t often seen in rock music.

For now, Hajjar and Sparta are taking a break, but it has been a pleasant one. Hajjar and his wife Nicole had a boy named Mylo two and a half weeks ago, and Hajjar is currently writing music by himself and exploring his creative side.

The band plans to get back together to share ideas and perhaps work on a new record until the end of the year.

Whether or not there will be another film remains to be seen, but if Hajjar decides to make one on his current life, odds are it will be much more uplifting this time around.